Day: Monday, 14th June, 2010
Time: Australian time - who knows... Evening...
Location: My old study room, Armadale, Melbourne, Australia
Feeling: bored, restless
I have been trying a new strategy for capturing my random thoughts during the day so that I can write them down properly in the blog later when I have a chance. I got a little notebook where I scribbled things for approximately 4 days. That was back during the Portugal trip - two weeks ago? Maybe 3. I still haven't written those down properly. I have also not made any new additions to that little notebook. Of course, I am in Australia, back in parents' home. And therefore in stupor from over-sleeping, jetlag and mental seething from over-petting. So there aren't many thoughts crossing my mind right now. Aside from guilt. Still.
So... going back to my little notebook....
26th May:
I was wondering about my previous post - is it really justified misanthropy? I can't actually be sure. About the 'justified' part that is. I looked up 'misanthropy' and for once, wiki failed to provide the answer. Or sufficient detail. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misanthropy
Thus, I leave this theme for now.
Something Zoya posted (in her comment) got me thinking about how one channels non-attachment and feeling of absurdism/ impermanence positively. She seems to manage. Mine just goes straight to nihilism. I still have no answer. Tell me...
I was also reading 'The Periodic Table' by Primo Levi at this time. Great book. Refreshingly not full of optimistic, chirpy, enthusiastic characters to whom I cannot relate. It doesn't paint the qualities opposite to the previously mentioned as negative. Not that I care, but it's a nice change - Levi thinks it is possible to be 'nobly lazy' and being 'philosophically grumpy' is not a character flaw. Characters are not homogenous as they seem to be in many novels these days...
Awesome quote: 'suspicious of every activity that set itself a goal'. :))
Monday, 14 June 2010
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Justified Misanthropy
Location: Home - Kilburn
Feeling: narky and misanthropic
It all began this morning when I got woken up by the upstairs neighbour yelling. Around 8am. Probably at my flatmate. As most know, I am not at my best in the morning. I don't like to be woken up. In particular, I don't like to be woken up for no reason by other people because they feel it is within their right to make noise. (The noisy evil bully-prone heffer was upset about rubbish. It seems to be a big issue in our house. *Roll eyes*) It then quieted down until a car alarm went off. And continued on for hours. Who still makes alarms like that?? Needless to say I went through the day ranting about inconsiderate and 'nabytchennyx' people in my head throughout the day. Obviously being out and about in Kilburn/ Camden and on public transport does nothing to dispel such misanthropy. Hermit. That is my calling in life. I need to realise it soon.
Word of the day: Dolourous = showing sorrow, tearful, weeping
Feeling: narky and misanthropic
It all began this morning when I got woken up by the upstairs neighbour yelling. Around 8am. Probably at my flatmate. As most know, I am not at my best in the morning. I don't like to be woken up. In particular, I don't like to be woken up for no reason by other people because they feel it is within their right to make noise. (The noisy evil bully-prone heffer was upset about rubbish. It seems to be a big issue in our house. *Roll eyes*) It then quieted down until a car alarm went off. And continued on for hours. Who still makes alarms like that?? Needless to say I went through the day ranting about inconsiderate and 'nabytchennyx' people in my head throughout the day. Obviously being out and about in Kilburn/ Camden and on public transport does nothing to dispel such misanthropy. Hermit. That is my calling in life. I need to realise it soon.
Word of the day: Dolourous = showing sorrow, tearful, weeping
Monday, 24 May 2010
No Title
Location: Home in NW2 /London
After 2 solid days of doing absolutely NOTHING I am now ready to rejoin the world of action. Or at least the part of the world that gets out of bed in the morning...
Feeling: slightly restless...
After 2 solid days of doing absolutely NOTHING I am now ready to rejoin the world of action. Or at least the part of the world that gets out of bed in the morning...
I really did mean to go to the gym today. But somehow it just didn't happen. It seems silly to travel 30mins each way to attend the gym and nothing else. Or potentially even longer if Jubilee line decides to not cooperate. Have decided to seek one that is closer.
I also seem to be perpetually hungry today. Puzzling.
It is also puzzling how throughout the day I have all these hypothetical blog posts that I compose in my head, however, they seem to evaporate as soon as I actually sit down in front of the laptop.
I am multi-tasking... Perhaps therein lies a cause...
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Sleep.... Where art thou
Highly unusual question for me. It does happen though.
I haven't actually tried to fall asleep for an inordinately long time. Yet, for someone who is usually asleep before the head hits the pillow, 30 minutes of rapid thought rather than slow drifting is out of the ordinary.
I don't know why I find my brain suddenly ignited by thought. Maybe it's the midnight hour. Maybe it's the book I just finished.
Speaking of the book I just finished... "It is not that I feel tremendously low; it's rather that the world around me appears high"... Maybe that is why I cannot sleep. Why is the world around me so high? What do they know that I do not? How do people go on with life untroubled by a sense of absurdity that plagues most of the activities we fill our time with? I am clearly missing the point. In fact, I am sure of it.
I haven't actually tried to fall asleep for an inordinately long time. Yet, for someone who is usually asleep before the head hits the pillow, 30 minutes of rapid thought rather than slow drifting is out of the ordinary.
I don't know why I find my brain suddenly ignited by thought. Maybe it's the midnight hour. Maybe it's the book I just finished.
Speaking of the book I just finished... "It is not that I feel tremendously low; it's rather that the world around me appears high"... Maybe that is why I cannot sleep. Why is the world around me so high? What do they know that I do not? How do people go on with life untroubled by a sense of absurdity that plagues most of the activities we fill our time with? I am clearly missing the point. In fact, I am sure of it.
Die, 2YP, die....
Time: 9:30am
Location: TG, LBS, NW1 4SA
Feeling: strangely out of sorts...
I am at school... Still 2YP. It does cause me some pain. I have NO wish to present to trustees all day tomorrow.
But this kind of stuff is not particularly interesting to write about. In fact I think it causes me some PAIN to write about it... Thus, fast forward and pretend I have whinged and can now move on and feel better ...
Word of the day:
Vellicate: to twitch or cause to twitch; to pluck, nip, irritate, etc
In other news, I feel like I'm turning increasingly misanthropic with time. What is the cure? Hermitage?
Came across a brilliant sentence in a book: "Sexuality is a system of social hierarchy". Such gems are why I love Houellebecq... His position (in this book, anyway) is that there are two systems of hierarchy - side by side: economic and sexual, where money and looks are the respective currencies. Simple. Brilliant.
Location: TG, LBS, NW1 4SA
Feeling: strangely out of sorts...
I am at school... Still 2YP. It does cause me some pain. I have NO wish to present to trustees all day tomorrow.
But this kind of stuff is not particularly interesting to write about. In fact I think it causes me some PAIN to write about it... Thus, fast forward and pretend I have whinged and can now move on and feel better ...
Word of the day:
Vellicate: to twitch or cause to twitch; to pluck, nip, irritate, etc
In other news, I feel like I'm turning increasingly misanthropic with time. What is the cure? Hermitage?
Came across a brilliant sentence in a book: "Sexuality is a system of social hierarchy". Such gems are why I love Houellebecq... His position (in this book, anyway) is that there are two systems of hierarchy - side by side: economic and sexual, where money and looks are the respective currencies. Simple. Brilliant.
Friday, 14 May 2010
Word of the day
...is eristic = pertaining to controversy or disputation; controversial; of argument for the sole purpose of winning, regardless of the reason
my kind of word...
my kind of word...
Date: 14 May, 2010
Location: Home, Kil&Burn, NW2 4SJ
Time: 1pm-ish
Feeling: hard to say actually. Slightly apprehensive. A little bit bored. Thoughtful.
Waiting for Michelle at home. She has finally landed and making her way here. From Essex. Hm.
In other news, had a fight with Vlad. So I don't think we are talking. This is probably not going to end well. Neither of us has a good history in terms of reconciling with people. It started of as a fairly minor thing but kind of blew out of proportion now. That's all I'm going to say about this for now.
In other news, I found a book that I absolutely relate to. It's called 'The Sleepyhead's Bedside Companion'. I can't believe such book exists. I feel vindicated! I am not the only one obsessed with sleep. There are others like me out there. Every page of this book is either articulating what is already in my head or I want imprinted there. I feel less guilt about my (previously thought unhealthy) preoccupation. I seriously think sleep is underrated in today's society which is obsessed with 'making the most' of each minute. Whatever THAT means. Hrumph.
What else. I finally feel comfortable enough to articulate what I have felt for a long time now. I HATE phones. Landlines, mobile phones, smart phones, blackberries. Whatever. I hate them all. I don't like speaking on the phone. I feel like making phone calls is intrusive - what are the odds you are just sitting there and waiting for the phone to ring? Chances are you are somewhere out and phone ringing causes you to madly scramble through your handbag, finally finding the phone as the last ring dies. You then proceed to try to return the call - getting busy signal because the person is either trying you again or leaving a voicemail. You then call them back again, ignoring the voicemail and they proceed to repeat what they just left on your voicemail (which you will incidentally 'discover' again later and proceed to listen to it...). Or you are having a nap and the phone call may slightly disturb your slumber. Cause unpleasant dreams about work... Or you are talking to another person - with the phone ringing you will be forced to stop, answer the phone, talk to the person on the phone while the other person just sits there (chances are they'll whip out their phone and proceed to call other people). Okay - I'm cutting off my own rant here. I feel like some of the anger I feel may be mis-placed here... Also, I feel like I'm never going to get a phone call from my friends again if they read this. Uhhh. I don't ALWAYS hate it - it's just a general feeling I have about phones. They are evil. These days.
Location: Home, Kil&Burn, NW2 4SJ
Time: 1pm-ish
Feeling: hard to say actually. Slightly apprehensive. A little bit bored. Thoughtful.
Waiting for Michelle at home. She has finally landed and making her way here. From Essex. Hm.
In other news, had a fight with Vlad. So I don't think we are talking. This is probably not going to end well. Neither of us has a good history in terms of reconciling with people. It started of as a fairly minor thing but kind of blew out of proportion now. That's all I'm going to say about this for now.
In other news, I found a book that I absolutely relate to. It's called 'The Sleepyhead's Bedside Companion'. I can't believe such book exists. I feel vindicated! I am not the only one obsessed with sleep. There are others like me out there. Every page of this book is either articulating what is already in my head or I want imprinted there. I feel less guilt about my (previously thought unhealthy) preoccupation. I seriously think sleep is underrated in today's society which is obsessed with 'making the most' of each minute. Whatever THAT means. Hrumph.
What else. I finally feel comfortable enough to articulate what I have felt for a long time now. I HATE phones. Landlines, mobile phones, smart phones, blackberries. Whatever. I hate them all. I don't like speaking on the phone. I feel like making phone calls is intrusive - what are the odds you are just sitting there and waiting for the phone to ring? Chances are you are somewhere out and phone ringing causes you to madly scramble through your handbag, finally finding the phone as the last ring dies. You then proceed to try to return the call - getting busy signal because the person is either trying you again or leaving a voicemail. You then call them back again, ignoring the voicemail and they proceed to repeat what they just left on your voicemail (which you will incidentally 'discover' again later and proceed to listen to it...). Or you are having a nap and the phone call may slightly disturb your slumber. Cause unpleasant dreams about work... Or you are talking to another person - with the phone ringing you will be forced to stop, answer the phone, talk to the person on the phone while the other person just sits there (chances are they'll whip out their phone and proceed to call other people). Okay - I'm cutting off my own rant here. I feel like some of the anger I feel may be mis-placed here... Also, I feel like I'm never going to get a phone call from my friends again if they read this. Uhhh. I don't ALWAYS hate it - it's just a general feeling I have about phones. They are evil. These days.
Sunday, 11 April 2010
Weekend. Thank god.
Sunday, 11 April, 2010
Time: 2:33pm, early morning
Location: Kil&Burn
Feeling: disoriented
... Ooops. Had a nap and woke up at 5pm. Sh!T!
Time: 6:30pm
Feeling: Slightly recovered. Still exhausted. Still disoriented. Slightly stressed.
Word of the day: Amorphous: lacking definite form, having no specific shape, formless; of no particular kind or character, indeterminate, having no pattern or structure, unorganised
2YP. I have grown to hate you. And all other ships.
Time: 2:33pm, early morning
Location: Kil&Burn
Feeling: disoriented
... Ooops. Had a nap and woke up at 5pm. Sh!T!
Time: 6:30pm
Feeling: Slightly recovered. Still exhausted. Still disoriented. Slightly stressed.
Word of the day: Amorphous: lacking definite form, having no specific shape, formless; of no particular kind or character, indeterminate, having no pattern or structure, unorganised
2YP. I have grown to hate you. And all other ships.
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Superheroes
Wed, 7 April, 2010
Location: Home
Feeling: groggy from another 4 hour nap. Bliss :)
Today's class has provoked a serious contemplation of Pokemon's superpowers. What do they actually do?!? It was a key question that I spent much of class researching (iPhone). I was not able to come to a satisfactory conclusion. However, according to my neighbour in class, in a spoof cartoon called 'Drawn Together' (spoof superhero version of The Big Brother the Pokemon character, whenever disappointed, secretes a substance that the other superheroes are addicted to.
Eh right. So I just spent the two hours watching it on YouTube and thus no time to write anymore...
Location: Home
Feeling: groggy from another 4 hour nap. Bliss :)
Today's class has provoked a serious contemplation of Pokemon's superpowers. What do they actually do?!? It was a key question that I spent much of class researching (iPhone). I was not able to come to a satisfactory conclusion. However, according to my neighbour in class, in a spoof cartoon called 'Drawn Together' (spoof superhero version of The Big Brother the Pokemon character, whenever disappointed, secretes a substance that the other superheroes are addicted to.
Eh right. So I just spent the two hours watching it on YouTube and thus no time to write anymore...
Tuesday, 6 April 2010
Life on Mars
Tuesday, 6 April 2010
Location: Home (NW2 4SJ)
Feeling: Sick. Was v tired due to 8:15 am class, but a 4 hour nap fixed that right up. Hm.
Accidentally deleted a paragraph I've written before. Not happy.
So yes - I continue to procrastinate as piles of reading on managing change, work on second year project and pages of unanswered emails await me.
It was a good day today. I got to wear my new winter coat which looks and feels like a tent. I feel cosy in a tent :) Also got to contemplate repercussions of discovery of extraterrestrial life in class. Whenever an MBA class results in such a contemplation, it is a good day.
So, in doubt about the likelihood of extraterrestrial life and needing to unearth the latest in the search for such, I turn to Wiki....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraterrestrial_life
So no aliens for now. Oh well.
Word of the day: (2 today!)
sentience: the ability to feel or perceive subjectively
sapience: wisdom /ability of organism or entity to act with appropriate judgement
Ran into a person in the street today that freaked me out and made me very uncomfortable (eeky) for no apparent reason. It took me a while but eventually I worked it out. It was because his facial features reminded me of Ross. Even mentioning his name produces the same feeling. Morbid curiosity forced me to look him up on facebook. Where he does indeed exist. I was relieved to see that we have no friends in common. *Phew*
I do hope Mischball, with the same morbid sense of curiosity and desire for trouble (which is MUCH stronger than my own) actually goes ahead and adds him. *Shudder*
It's interesting when the desire to clean and organise strikes. I haven't noticed a pattern as yet. I had a sizeable Spring Clean yesterday. I have even started an attempt to computerise my wardrobe... I am distracted by a question which increasingly bothers me... Why is there a ladybug infestation in our apartment??? Seriously?
I mean, it beats cockroaches, but it is still odd, no???
Location: Home (NW2 4SJ)
Feeling: Sick. Was v tired due to 8:15 am class, but a 4 hour nap fixed that right up. Hm.
Accidentally deleted a paragraph I've written before. Not happy.
So yes - I continue to procrastinate as piles of reading on managing change, work on second year project and pages of unanswered emails await me.
It was a good day today. I got to wear my new winter coat which looks and feels like a tent. I feel cosy in a tent :) Also got to contemplate repercussions of discovery of extraterrestrial life in class. Whenever an MBA class results in such a contemplation, it is a good day.
So, in doubt about the likelihood of extraterrestrial life and needing to unearth the latest in the search for such, I turn to Wiki....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extraterrestrial_life
So no aliens for now. Oh well.
Word of the day: (2 today!)
sentience: the ability to feel or perceive subjectively
sapience: wisdom /ability of organism or entity to act with appropriate judgement
Ran into a person in the street today that freaked me out and made me very uncomfortable (eeky) for no apparent reason. It took me a while but eventually I worked it out. It was because his facial features reminded me of Ross. Even mentioning his name produces the same feeling. Morbid curiosity forced me to look him up on facebook. Where he does indeed exist. I was relieved to see that we have no friends in common. *Phew*
I do hope Mischball, with the same morbid sense of curiosity and desire for trouble (which is MUCH stronger than my own) actually goes ahead and adds him. *Shudder*
It's interesting when the desire to clean and organise strikes. I haven't noticed a pattern as yet. I had a sizeable Spring Clean yesterday. I have even started an attempt to computerise my wardrobe... I am distracted by a question which increasingly bothers me... Why is there a ladybug infestation in our apartment??? Seriously?
I mean, it beats cockroaches, but it is still odd, no???
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