still mushrooming

It's interesting that I seem to need to be in a fairly depressed mood in order to have interesting thoughts and ponder the meaning of life and the like....

Maybe I'm just tired. Very tired.

i am a mushroom

Ah... another wonderous week in Sydney... The plan is to slack off as much as possible without anyone noticing. It's very rare to get weeks like this on jobs... I'm kind of winding down, handing over, shifting responsibility onto the person who will essentially be replacing me...

Looks like Bangkok is more likely to happen than before. It would be nice to get a week or so in Melbourne before I go... Sigh. Just thinking about it is making me tired. It's a 9hour flight from Sydney...

I am still pondering on what to do with my life... Should I try to relocate offices within Booz? Moscow, London? But then who will pick up the tab for business school? Or should I stay here and go to business school and then try to relocate? Or should I just move on and try doing something different, a bit less intense? Still don't know. I think I'll do my GMAT first - one problem at a time, hey...

What else... Still no social life or hobbies in sight. Unless napping counts as a hobby...

Mmm. Bored. I think that's mostly because I'm relying on work to provide all the stimulation...

No further deep ponderings at this point. It IS morning. I don't do serious thinking this early...

needing a vacation...

And what a crap week it has been. I am glad it is over but I would be willing to pay dearly to not be going back to Syd tomorrow morning.

Some of the crap, like the mother of all hangovers, was self-inflicted. And the rest is just due to the shittiness of the job. As per usual, I completely passed out on the weekend - even more than usual, actually. Drinking at mid-week is definitely NOT the way to go. In fact, drinking at all will not be happening for a long while I've decided.

What else can I say? Didn't do much on the weekend. Had tickets for the Amnesty International Comedy Gala for Saturday night - which was the only thing that dragged me out of bed this weekend.

Actually... that's pretty much it... I've got nothing. No deep thoughts, none of my usual contemplation of people, life or where my life is going. Running a bit flat at the moment. *Sigh* Not even sure what to look forward to... There's no vacation on horizon and no way work is going to let me take time off... I might try anyway - I'll see where I'm staffed next. I hope it's Bangkok. It's gotta be better than Canberra...

ADIDAS

All

Day

I

Dream

About

Sleep

Possibly sex too sometimes. But definitely not as often as sleep!

Was supposed to do the work last night after the Russian Movie Festival but fell asleep. Around 8pm. Woke up 8am today and trying to do work now. But really wishing to be back in bed.

*Sigh*

Like Nozbo said - if sleeping was an Olympic sport....

ps: the procrastination site of the day: http://www.nureyev.org/ (He was also Tartar so I was excited - being half-tartar and trying to explain it to people who've never heard of the race...)

more words...

Hmmm...

Location: Sydney, 4 seasons hotel room

Condition: slightly intoxicated, a bit sick (as in a cold)

Feeling: tired, blocked up, uninspired to write pages for the deck for tomorrow. for fark's sake, won't it just go away and do itself? maybe i need a few more shots to inspire... hmmm

'

decided that i'm sick of hearing the word "bespoke"

also decided that my second favourite animal, after hedgehogs of course, is a sloth bear. they would be my first if it wasn't for those claws. very unattractive...

word of the week...

is definitely nefarious... i keep looking for an opportunity to use it, but it's just not going to arise at work...

Pondering at home...

I have finally chilled out a bit after last Friday - which was when I had a spasm about things happening on the current project (relating to staffing crap that I can't be bothered explaining because it's just stupid and annoys me). It's was amasing to observe the progression of emotions which started with self-pity which deteriorated to tears when my mentor gave me sympathy and understanding. Eventually, within a 24 hour time frame, it turned into anger which climaxed at boiling anger by Saturday night. Now I'm experiencing resignation, boredom and indifference.

The whole experience has not endeared the firm or the partner in question to me. But beyond that, I'm not going to do anything stupid (like quit to take an inferior job). I guess it just made me an extra bit more wary, cynical and unimpressed. (as if I wasn't all of those before!)

Saw "Thank you for Smoking" on Saturday night with Buzz - highly amusing. Then we went for a drink to Eurotrash - as they have a superior choice of vodkas. I whinged and generally unloaded my rage which was nice. Not sure how Buzz enjoyed it though... I did pay for the alcohol and the food - so he did get something out of it all...

I am somewhat embarrassed about how much this work stuff gets to me. I don't know though whether it is normal, it is me or it is the culture here. Sometimes I feel emotionally barren. People just don't get emotional about things. It never ceases to amaze me how much people just don't care about stuff - it is actually seen as undesirable to display emotion, to care, to not be "relaxed" or "easy-going".

Is it me? Am I on the wrong continent? Why are people so laid back and repressed?? How can they have emotional connections with others? What about personal relationships? You can lash out due to emotion and people will run away, think worse of you, freak out, whatever - instead of reaching out to you, taking a risk. Anything but running away and never talking about it whilst harbouring a grudge... Not sure if I'm capturing what I'm thinking. It's hard. I haven't really tried to capture these thoughts before. Ah well, just ponderings in my semi-private journal... The exhibitionism associated with a blog still gives me a bit of a rush... Which is possibly why I still write. That, and I type much faster than I hand write.

Ah the dying art of hand writing...

This all just further reinforces my wish to try out Russia for a while. But I think at the same time, I wouldn't mind living in France for a while (ie MBA in INSEAD). Of course, there are still a few hurdles to get over before that becomes likely... Such as getting in... getting support from firm... surviving another appraisal at Booz... Ah well, one week at a time... Hell, I don't even plan that far ahead... I'm managing a few days at a time...