Time: 10:24am, Monday Morning
Date: 1, December, 2008 - First day of winter!
Location: Plowden Lab, LBS, London
Feeling: still sick. restless. thoughtful.
I think the first sentence of any piece of writing is the hardest. Once you start, it always just seems to flow - especially in personal writing. Of course, having said that, I am now stuck on the third sentence. *sigh*
I'm currently reading this book "Affluenza" by James Oliver. It has an interesting (if not entirely unique) premise - that many of us are infected with the "affluenza virus" that has us striving for material things that are not going to make us happy and causing high levels of emotional distress (in a nutshell). He also has a go at capitalism - arguing that it is not a good way to run things, if you care about people's emotional well-being. It seems like an interesting premise that is best summarised in perhaps 100-150 pages. He has 500. I wonder if authors get paid per page...
I have forgotten where I was going with this... Perhaps it will come back to me later in the day. Monday morning and no coffee (it makes me feel worse when I'm sick) - it's no wonder I am forgetting my own thoughts...
Monday, 1 December 2008
Thursday, 27 November 2008
Still clarifying
I don't know what's right with me - I seem to have re-discovered this blogging thing. I think I've been couped up in the house sick - perhaps that is it....
Further thoughts on the subject that I dislike - makes me feel bare to write it actually, so I don't know whether I should... If there are later gaps in paragraphs... well you'll know I changed my mind.
Relationships: I think what brought this on is getting a whiff of what it could've been but which never materialised. At the same time, I no longer can imagine it happening ever again...
Well that was obscure enough - I think I couldn't write it down here. I may have to resort to pen and paper to actually offload properly... Sigh
I don't think I'll have a top 3 and bottom 3 today - I'll just have a mix of 3:
1) Strategy exam tomorrow. I just got an email from a classmate - I think it summarises my thoughts on this subject matter better than I could - mostly because once I start thinking about it I begin to rant.
"Hi Olya-
Further thoughts on the subject that I dislike - makes me feel bare to write it actually, so I don't know whether I should... If there are later gaps in paragraphs... well you'll know I changed my mind.
Relationships: I think what brought this on is getting a whiff of what it could've been but which never materialised. At the same time, I no longer can imagine it happening ever again...
Well that was obscure enough - I think I couldn't write it down here. I may have to resort to pen and paper to actually offload properly... Sigh
I don't think I'll have a top 3 and bottom 3 today - I'll just have a mix of 3:
1) Strategy exam tomorrow. I just got an email from a classmate - I think it summarises my thoughts on this subject matter better than I could - mostly because once I start thinking about it I begin to rant.
"Hi Olya-
I am reading the Strategy book for the first time and now I realize why you are so angry in the strategy classes. The instructor quite successfully demolished a beautiful subject..."
So yes. 3 hour exam tomorrow. It just makes me angry. I am never taking strategy subjects here. It would just traumatise me further.
2) Landlord troubles - she wants us to take out internet we istalled because aparently we ran the cable outside the house. WTF?
Things are just never easy in London
3) Am organising Winter Ball for this Feb. I may come to regret this decision...
clarifying thoughts
Having read back the blog, I realised I didn't really say what I meant. And in fact it sounded so wrong, it was almost retarded.
No - I don't think there is no other reason for relationships apart from fear. I think it's one that makes me sometimes look for relationships when I shouldn't... I should stop.
There are numerous reasons others but they only can be realised upon finding the right person. Having not done that, I am at a loss to come up with them.
Hmm. I think that is clearer.
Must think more.
Actually I don't like this topic anymore :(
No - I don't think there is no other reason for relationships apart from fear. I think it's one that makes me sometimes look for relationships when I shouldn't... I should stop.
There are numerous reasons others but they only can be realised upon finding the right person. Having not done that, I am at a loss to come up with them.
Hmm. I think that is clearer.
Must think more.
Actually I don't like this topic anymore :(
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
Finding time
Date: 25 November, 2008
Time: 21:35pm
Location: My place, Kilburn, London
First time in a while that I've had an opportunity to write thoughts down. This is despite mentally composing journal entry as I exercise, tube or doze in class. Much to say and yet...
So I have finally found some time - mostly because I got sick, decided to take a day off and cleared my calendar. Thus resulting in an unexpected bonus of 1 free day. It's lovely - apart from the sick part. I don't think I've taken a sickie since I started work in 2005. The novelty is wonderful. Also, feeling like there isn't anything on my calendar that I really actually HAVE to do. There are things I should do, could do, have been asked to do - but I don't actually HAVE to do any of them. It's FABULOUS.
Did I mention my love for naps? I had 3 today so far.
Other news... Well suddenly all those thoughts I had and wanted to write down have fled from my head. I suppose I will do my usual - top 3 and bottom 3:
Top
1) Hanging out with Jules and her friends. They are truly mind-expanding. I get so caught up in the world of MBAs, business, jobs, careers, etc. It is truly inspiration to hang out with mathematicians, philosophers, etc. Although it does somewhat make me not want to do anything MBA related. Makes me wonder why I'm doing an MBA. And makes me dread the 2 years that I have to slave-work through to pay off the pleasure of doing a degree I don't actually really want. Hm.
2) Finding time to read books. I love it.
3) Nothing is coming to me on this one. Lets see if I can come back to it...
Bottom:
1) Still no passport. Need I say more? I certainly don't want to.
2) Crappy exchange rate - raising money concerns. May have to find a job PT. Ewwwww
3) Contemplation of relationships and realisation that I don't really understand it at all. What do people look for? What do I look for? Why do people form relationships? Is that so that they don't have to face old age alone? Is that it? If so, that's a bit cowardly. Why is there such a preoccupation with finding a boyfriend/girlfriend /husband etc. Maybe I am forgetting the good things one gets from those. *Scratch head*
4) Strange married guy (I've seen a few times before at school) grabbing me and kissing me (while I stood in shock) in the middle of the road. And then having to avoid him the entire night during the party and him finally catching up and asking me why I'm avoiding him. Wtf? What's wrong with people? And why do only married/attached guys ever hit on me? Or am I only seeing that pattern because I'm looking for it and the single ones that hit on me get dismissed as insignificant? But then again, unless it's as obvious as this incident, chances are, I don't notice it. Hm. Anyway. Hrpmph. I am disturbed. I hope it was a bet of some kind or he was very drunk. Confused, disturbed and not wanting to go out anymore. Wanting to become a hermit and living in the mountains with my books. Well, this particular wish is not entirely brought on by this incident but I thought I'd mention it nonetheless...
I need some more items in the "Top" section...
3) Being able to take a sick day (but not being sick). I also can't actually take a sick day tomorrow also because if I miss tomorrow's class I would fail it. At least without a doctor's note (which I can't get because I haven't registered with a doctor - and can't do so without my passport). So this is really another one for the "Bottom" category...
Eh... Ok so I have nothing else for now. Will think more.
Time: 21:35pm
Location: My place, Kilburn, London
First time in a while that I've had an opportunity to write thoughts down. This is despite mentally composing journal entry as I exercise, tube or doze in class. Much to say and yet...
So I have finally found some time - mostly because I got sick, decided to take a day off and cleared my calendar. Thus resulting in an unexpected bonus of 1 free day. It's lovely - apart from the sick part. I don't think I've taken a sickie since I started work in 2005. The novelty is wonderful. Also, feeling like there isn't anything on my calendar that I really actually HAVE to do. There are things I should do, could do, have been asked to do - but I don't actually HAVE to do any of them. It's FABULOUS.
Did I mention my love for naps? I had 3 today so far.
Other news... Well suddenly all those thoughts I had and wanted to write down have fled from my head. I suppose I will do my usual - top 3 and bottom 3:
Top
1) Hanging out with Jules and her friends. They are truly mind-expanding. I get so caught up in the world of MBAs, business, jobs, careers, etc. It is truly inspiration to hang out with mathematicians, philosophers, etc. Although it does somewhat make me not want to do anything MBA related. Makes me wonder why I'm doing an MBA. And makes me dread the 2 years that I have to slave-work through to pay off the pleasure of doing a degree I don't actually really want. Hm.
2) Finding time to read books. I love it.
3) Nothing is coming to me on this one. Lets see if I can come back to it...
Bottom:
1) Still no passport. Need I say more? I certainly don't want to.
2) Crappy exchange rate - raising money concerns. May have to find a job PT. Ewwwww
3) Contemplation of relationships and realisation that I don't really understand it at all. What do people look for? What do I look for? Why do people form relationships? Is that so that they don't have to face old age alone? Is that it? If so, that's a bit cowardly. Why is there such a preoccupation with finding a boyfriend/girlfriend /husband etc. Maybe I am forgetting the good things one gets from those. *Scratch head*
4) Strange married guy (I've seen a few times before at school) grabbing me and kissing me (while I stood in shock) in the middle of the road. And then having to avoid him the entire night during the party and him finally catching up and asking me why I'm avoiding him. Wtf? What's wrong with people? And why do only married/attached guys ever hit on me? Or am I only seeing that pattern because I'm looking for it and the single ones that hit on me get dismissed as insignificant? But then again, unless it's as obvious as this incident, chances are, I don't notice it. Hm. Anyway. Hrpmph. I am disturbed. I hope it was a bet of some kind or he was very drunk. Confused, disturbed and not wanting to go out anymore. Wanting to become a hermit and living in the mountains with my books. Well, this particular wish is not entirely brought on by this incident but I thought I'd mention it nonetheless...
I need some more items in the "Top" section...
3) Being able to take a sick day (but not being sick). I also can't actually take a sick day tomorrow also because if I miss tomorrow's class I would fail it. At least without a doctor's note (which I can't get because I haven't registered with a doctor - and can't do so without my passport). So this is really another one for the "Bottom" category...
Eh... Ok so I have nothing else for now. Will think more.
Saturday, 4 October 2008
The London Quarterly - October 2008
What can I say… It’s been busy. Relocating countries, losing all identification documents, finding a place to live, ikea-ing, moving and assembling furniture, bringing liver to the brink of extinction. I even went to class. Not out of choice – they make it compulsory – basically if you miss 2 classes in any subject, you fail the MBA. I guess they know students too well.
It’s been fun – lots of parties and drinking, meeting new people. It was a good change – I needed that. However, I’m back to feeling like a hamster in a wheel – no time to myself. I guess this time it’s more of a choice, but at the same time, if you don’t go to the functions, meetings, pubs etc, you feel like you’re missing out. I don’t like that feeling and am fighting it.
Classes have started and they are remarkably boring. So far, the core subjects are what I did in first year undergrad. I’m falling asleep in class. I am thinking of getting a blackberry (which I can’t afford) and emailing under the desk to stay awake. Still deciding…
Quick summary, in case you’re out of the loop – I’m presuming a bit of knowledge here:
1) I’ve moved to London to do an MBA at LBS for a couple of years (it appears to be reasonably good timing on some level – it’s going to be impossible to get in next year as all the bankers and other recession-fearing people will be applying)
2) I’m living with Julia in her flat in Kilburn (after her flatmate moved out, I moved in. Except I couldn’t fit all my crap into the single bedroom (single is a euphemism for “shoebox”) so I’m living in the living room and the single bedroom is our living room)
3) I’ve started classes in August but real classes only started this week (we did fluff for a month). I’m not enjoying the revision of my undergrad so far. I think the copious consumption of alcohol has reduced my attention span to an unprecedented extent.
4) One of my first London experiences was a stolen handbag with 2 phones, wallet, black book and passport. I still haven’t replaced most of these. (I have a passport appointment at the High Commission on Friday. We’ll see.) Thus, I have not been able to leave the country. It’s quite possible that even after I replace my passport, I won’t be able to leave the country as I am not yet sure how to replace my student visa. Well, I’m sure I’ll be able to leave – I just may not be able to re-enter. *Sigh*
5) I think I may need a new liver soon.
In other news, in no particular order:
1) Have had to take a Russian exam in order to prove to LBS that I speak a second language. 3 hours. I’m officially level 3 Russian speaker now (they only tested up to level 3 – level 2 is all you need to graduate)
2) I’ve taken up (touch) rugby. A bit outside my comfort zone – will see. Kind of fun so far and I get to exercise outside (in the rain).
3)
It’s been fun – lots of parties and drinking, meeting new people. It was a good change – I needed that. However, I’m back to feeling like a hamster in a wheel – no time to myself. I guess this time it’s more of a choice, but at the same time, if you don’t go to the functions, meetings, pubs etc, you feel like you’re missing out. I don’t like that feeling and am fighting it.
Classes have started and they are remarkably boring. So far, the core subjects are what I did in first year undergrad. I’m falling asleep in class. I am thinking of getting a blackberry (which I can’t afford) and emailing under the desk to stay awake. Still deciding…
Quick summary, in case you’re out of the loop – I’m presuming a bit of knowledge here:
1) I’ve moved to London to do an MBA at LBS for a couple of years (it appears to be reasonably good timing on some level – it’s going to be impossible to get in next year as all the bankers and other recession-fearing people will be applying)
2) I’m living with Julia in her flat in Kilburn (after her flatmate moved out, I moved in. Except I couldn’t fit all my crap into the single bedroom (single is a euphemism for “shoebox”) so I’m living in the living room and the single bedroom is our living room)
3) I’ve started classes in August but real classes only started this week (we did fluff for a month). I’m not enjoying the revision of my undergrad so far. I think the copious consumption of alcohol has reduced my attention span to an unprecedented extent.
4) One of my first London experiences was a stolen handbag with 2 phones, wallet, black book and passport. I still haven’t replaced most of these. (I have a passport appointment at the High Commission on Friday. We’ll see.) Thus, I have not been able to leave the country. It’s quite possible that even after I replace my passport, I won’t be able to leave the country as I am not yet sure how to replace my student visa. Well, I’m sure I’ll be able to leave – I just may not be able to re-enter. *Sigh*
5) I think I may need a new liver soon.
In other news, in no particular order:
1) Have had to take a Russian exam in order to prove to LBS that I speak a second language. 3 hours. I’m officially level 3 Russian speaker now (they only tested up to level 3 – level 2 is all you need to graduate)
2) I’ve taken up (touch) rugby. A bit outside my comfort zone – will see. Kind of fun so far and I get to exercise outside (in the rain).
3)
The Melbourne Daily – Monday [in July]
[found this entry on computer - back from July]
There has been a bit of a lapse in my writing. I have managed to move a little bit beyond the denial phase and get into work. Mostly it was stress that pushed me out there. It was getting to be 1 week before the workshop and initial deliverable and I still had nothing. So I crammed for quite a bit, including the weekend and now appear to have a document of sorts.
And I got distracted….
[continuing on Tuesday]
Yes so back to it I suppose. 9 days left. However, have a workshop to lead/ facilitate tomorrow. Which is a bit stressful. I hate these things. Stress, responsibility. And it’s not even that interesting – at least this particular topic. But then again, I’d say that about ANY topic that I had to lead a workshop about. As I keep saying, on days like these, I wish I was a hairdresser. Or a yoga instructor. Or a PA. Actually, my perfect job would be a ‘mattress tester’. Oh yeah….
9 days left. No news on my passport still. A bit concerning, I think. If nothing happens by Thursday, I’m going to have to call their rip-off hotline again. Where they first charge you $10 on your credit card and then proceed to tell you that they can’t help you with your query. Lo-ve-ly.
What else? Bored. I’m bored. And stressed. That’s a nasty combination, I tell you…
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
The Melbourne Daily - sort of
[Monday]
There has been a bit of a lapse in my writing. I have managed to move a little bit beyond the denial phase and get into work. Mostly it was stress that pushed me out there. It was getting to be 1 week before the workshop and initial deliverable and I still had nothing. So I crammed for quite a bit, including the weekend and now appear to have a document of sorts.
And I got distracted….
[continuing on Tuesday]
Yes so back to it I suppose. 9 days left. However, have a workshop to lead/ facilitate tomorrow. Which is a bit stressful. I hate these things. Stress, responsibility. And it’s not even that interesting – at least this particular topic. But then again, I’d say that about ANY topic that I had to lead a workshop about. As I keep saying, on days like these, I wish I was a hairdresser. Or a yoga instructor. Or a PA. Actually, my perfect job would be a ‘mattress tester’. Oh yeah….
9 days left. No news on my passport still. A bit concerning, I think. If nothing happens by Thursday, I’m going to have to call their rip-off hotline again. Where they first charge you $10 on your credit card and then proceed to tell you that they can’t help you with your query. Lo-ve-ly.
What else? Bored. I’m bored. And stressed. That’s a nasty combination, I tell you…
Thursday, 10 July 2008
The Melbourne Daily - Thursday
Time: 8pmish
Location: Office, Rialto, Melbourne
Feeling: not happy
Today has not been a good day. HSBC in UK doesn't want to give me more than 10k GBP for living expenses for 2 years. They want me to live under a bridge! Far out! What the... ! How am I supposed to survive on that??? B@stards!
It's not like I'm a risky loan - I HAVE to go back to this job afterwards. NOT happy.
I also don't have my visa just yet. After 3 weeks, I thought I'd check on the progress of the application and just check whether they have at least received it! After trying to get through for days, I finally did, and, after taking down my credit card details and charging me $10 for the pleasure they told me that they can't give out any information about the progress of my application or indeed even confirm whether or not they received it. GGRrrrr
And I have a 6:30 am flight tomorrow morning. Fan-******-tastic.
Where's a stressball when you need one! Grphmph.
Location: Office, Rialto, Melbourne
Feeling: not happy
Today has not been a good day. HSBC in UK doesn't want to give me more than 10k GBP for living expenses for 2 years. They want me to live under a bridge! Far out! What the... ! How am I supposed to survive on that??? B@stards!
It's not like I'm a risky loan - I HAVE to go back to this job afterwards. NOT happy.
I also don't have my visa just yet. After 3 weeks, I thought I'd check on the progress of the application and just check whether they have at least received it! After trying to get through for days, I finally did, and, after taking down my credit card details and charging me $10 for the pleasure they told me that they can't give out any information about the progress of my application or indeed even confirm whether or not they received it. GGRrrrr
And I have a 6:30 am flight tomorrow morning. Fan-******-tastic.
Where's a stressball when you need one! Grphmph.
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
The Melbourne Daily
22 days to go
Time: 9am
Location: Rialto, Melbourne
Feeling: like I don't want to work
Time: 9am
Location: Rialto, Melbourne
Feeling: like I don't want to work
It has been pointed out to me that my post-holiday trough is disproportional to the actual holiday taken. 2 weeks vs 2.5 weeks. Yes, that is true. However I’ve been in denial about it until Monday. So really the trough didn’t truly kick in until 2 days ago. So now we are back to normal expectations of the typical trough.
Quote of the day is quite interesting, unlike my horoscope for today, and I leave you with it:
“When work is a pleasure, life is a joy! When work is a duty, life is slavery.” – Maxim Gorky
So true.
Has anyone out there found a type of work that is a pleasure? And if so, care to tip me off? I’m thinking I’d make a good PA/EA. I like organising stuff. Or maybe an events company could be my thing.
PS does anyone know how to install a counter on the blog??
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
Date: Tuesday, 8 July, 2008 - 23 days to go
Location: Office, Rialto, Melbourne, Australia
Feeling: bleah-ish. I don't want to work (what is that feeling called?)
Location: Office, Rialto, Melbourne, Australia
Feeling: bleah-ish. I don't want to work (what is that feeling called?)
I feel a liiiiittle bit better today which makes me think that this is a post-holiday depression trough. With my luck, I will probably just come out of it when it is time to finish.
Nonetheless, the days seem to drag on and on. I guess I’m also not really enjoying what I’m doing. It’s an organizational restructure for an NGO. It’s not exactly my area of expertise and I’m struggling a bit with it. I’ve also been given a new role on this assignment – actually managing this thing. So lots of responsibility in an area where I have no idea, instructing a brand new consultant and I have 3.5 weeks. Sub-optimal, as I like to say. I don’t really want responsibility right now. Or work really. Let alone actually be learning something new, as I’m about to leave.
On a different note, have been doing a bit of packing and discovered piles and piles of blank postcards. So, now I’m trying to reduce the pile by sending them around! Be prepared… It just seems so wasteful to just leave them lying there. My writing just doesn’t keep up with my buying.
Eh. Back to work.
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