Bangkok Weekly

21^st April, 2008

I think I only have bottom 3 this week (and it is only Monday)…

1) Work. Yes, appraisal most certainly not looking good. Looks like I’ll be trying to jump offices (if not jobs) post-bus schools. Trying to get a secondment to the London office now but I have a suspicion that they know why and thus blocking me. I’ve been asking for almost a year now – surely there’d be some news by now. Oh well, one way or another…

2) Weekend – didn’t end up going anywhere on the weekend, which in itself I don’t mind. I more mind in the manner in which it happened. TBC….

3) did I mention I’m a bit unhappy at work?

ps I want to go home.

Bangkok Weekly... kind of

So. Back from Hanoi. Uncertain how to best capture my impressions. I think the impressions of the city have been outweighed by all other crap that is going on… So I guess I will do my favourite form of summarizing – top 3 and bottom 3 in general, not just Hanoi related…

Top 3:

1) Eating at Bobby Chinn’s restaurant in Hanoi. Fantastic food. Awesome menu. Engaging host. Great service. 1/4^th the price of Melbourne equivalent. I’m not sure that there even is a Melbourne equivalent actually. The grape goat cheese was exceptional. It pops up in my dreams once in a while.

2) Seeing a city that is more chaotic than Bangkok. There appear to be no traffic rules. One crosses the road just by stepping on and walking across through traffic, assuming that the traffic will just flow around, like water.

3) Having a little bit more certainly in life – i.e. moving to London in August (don’t know how, where or when precisely but it’s going to happen).

Bottom 3:

1) Fighting with Buzz. Started with which places to eat at. It seems that he thinks I’m a snob who doesn’t want to go to places where locals eat. Whatever. I’m sure I can’t adequately capture what he was trying to say here. Actually, he probably doesn’t know how to say that either since he is not able to rationally and calmly discuss it. Just starts yelling at me. Have been walking on eggshells past few days and kind of avoiding… Sub-optimal but I guess it is what it is… And as my favourite book adds: there are no mistakes.

2) Appraisal not looking good as colleague from work appears to have nailed me. I keep running afoul of males that are more senior than me. Thus, everyone just assumes that I’m in the wrong. I’ve tried to deduce a trend or a pattern and it seems I only get into trouble when I try to tell them that they are doing something wrong. So now I’ve just keeping my mouth shut and doing my job without trying to give advice. Seems to be working for now. Well, as far as the relationship goes. The client seems a bit unhappy about the guy on the other hand. *Shrug* What can I do. I’m just a mere junior. Whom men in positions of authority have an allergic reaction to listening. Not so different from Buzz actually. He also doesn’t like it when I correct him. So I stopped doing that. *Shrug* Possibly a bit harsh but that's what it feels like lately.

3) Not going to Halong Bay. It was raining. We didn’t end up booking anything. So we didn’t go. I may have to come back by myself.

Sigh. Very tired. Could use a long holiday. Actually could use a weekend when I didn’t have to fly anywhere. There’s about 52 weeks in year. If I had to estimate the number of return flights I take in a year, it’d be at least 52. Counting connecting flights as one flight. I need a break. Which doesn’t involve flying.

Speaking of flying and breaks. Flying to London on the 1^st of June. Have to be in London on 7/8^th June for Admit weekend at LBS. Not sure what will do between 2^nd and 7^th. Maybe go Scotland or Ireland or something. I know most from London will be in Kiev, but if anyone’s around – wanna hang out???

Actually I should probably start checking out accommodation options, hey… crap…

Bangkok Daily - the missing pages

Sunday, 30 March, 2007
5:17PM
Location: Rm 705, Grand Hyatt Erawan, Bangkok

It's been a while hey. It's been busy I guess. It's rare when I actually get time to myself. Weekends are not exactly relaxing. Either I'm travelling or I'm back home trying to squeeze in as much of "seeing people" as is possible. Not to mention catching up on sleep.

What's new. Well. It looks like I may be coming to London for a couple of years after all. Rather soon actually. If all goes to plan (which I don't actually have just yet) - I would be starting semester at the end of August. No idea what money I'm actually going to survive on. In London. Renting. And not working. Hrmph. One problem at a time, I guess. Back to "starving student" thing I suppose, just in London this time. No idea what will happen with the boyfriend either.

In other news... My Thai is improving, project is getting stressful, and I'm being appraised again. I hate appraisals. Every fr**king 6 months - no matter whether you're actually there or not. Last time I got appraised in absence and was sending through my self-assessment from my "holidays" in Romania. Don't you just love the HR processes. Don't you just love the HR. I think this is my 6th appraisal... Been here just over 3 years. Long time hey. Feels like a lifetime. .. Well maybe not quite that bad. I does feel a lot longer than it actually has been.

Other news... umm.... Managed to lose some weight (*t'fu t'fu t'fu* as they say in Russian or "spit spit spit" as a literal translation to English would say. I think a lot gets lost in translation)

Moving into an apartment in Bangkok next week. Over the hotel thing. Strange though how I don't actually have an apartment back in Melbourne but do have one here. Hmm.

I should really stop procrastinating and do some work hey.

Time: 4pm (ishg)
Location: Client office, Rama III, BKK
Date: Thursday, 31 Jan, 2008
Feeling: tired, eyes hurt (allergy farken)

The alleged boyfriend emailed yesterday. I asked what took so long. He said he was waiting for me to email. I asked why. No answer. Dropped off again. Definitely alleged.

Bangkok Daily

Data: 30 Jan, 2008, Wednesday
Time: morning. 9:30am
Location: client office, Rama III
Feeling: still flattish. and bloated.

It's raining in Bangkok today. It's very strange - I have never seen rain here outside the wet season. I hope this doesn't keep up through the weekend as I'm actually staying here and was planning to do some sightseeing - perhaps go to the Ancient City or Ayutthaya which would really suck if it was raining.

Week and 2 days. Still no word from my alleged boyfriend. Methinks soon to be ex-boyfriend as clearly there's no freaking love in the air. :(
Oh well. What can you do. Will have to start moving when I'm back. It was a real b!tch to get a bed up the stairs, I'm thinking it will have to stay. There's no way it's coming out again. Don't really have anywhere to put it at the parents' place anyway - which is where I suspect I'll be staying whilst I'm in Thailand.
Too much uncertainty. Don't know what's happening with bus schools (still haven't heard anything from anywhere). Don't know what I'll do if I don't get in - I'm thinking a philosophy degree somewhere. Will have to save money for that though and thus uncertainty as to when I'll do it. And whether I'll stay in this job while I do it.
Don't know what I'm doing for Easter as that depends on what happens with the "boyfriend". Oh well, one day at a time, hey. Living in the present and all that.
I suppose I should go and do some work now. Or at least walk around and hassle other people into doing work. One or the other will do. Both would be optimal actually.

PS Nude flights in Germany - wtf?

Bangkok Daily

Date: 28 January, 2008. Monday
Time: 12pm
Location: Client office, Rama III, Bangkok
Feeling: a bit flat, a little disappointed. allergic (puffy eyes)

Went to Chiang Mai on the weekend. Not bad. Lots of temples. There were also many Buddhist schools, classes and universities. I would've liked to do a 10 day retreat or something like that if I had longer there.
Also, good crafts etc shopping. I wasn't blown away though. I guess because people kept recommending it, I had much higher expectations. It was tricky to work out how to get around. There aren't metered taxis really. Only to and from the airport. Other than that you have to negotiate the fare with songtels and tuk-tuks. I hate tuk-tuks. I swear, they see all tourists as money bags, and white tourists in particular as large money bags. Actually, all tourist travel in Thailand I find exhausting. I have to be always on the ball, know how much things are and know when something doesn't feel right. And negotiating everything gets very tiring. I could just be whinging due to a crappy mood. Everything seems crappy when this happens.

I stayed at a boutique hotel whilst there - Puripunn. It looks much better on the pictures. Don't get me wrong - it's nice. It's just a bit old. It really needs new plumbing - or whatever it is that controls the flow of water. I couldn't even take a shower properly - the water kept going from freezing to boiling within a matter of seconds. I ended up having baths instead. Couldn't cope with the shower. Small bathrooms, slow service, otherwise charming property. On balance, wouldn't recommend it.

I will post some pictures of the town once I work out how to get the photos off my camera without the cable (data card reader I'm thinking).

Last week felt pretty long. Hard to believe I only left Australia 7 days ago. I think I'll be staying in BKK next weekend to catch up on sleep and rest and generally relax.

In other news... or "none news" to be more accurate. I still haven't heard a word from my alleged boyfriend since leaving Australia. No email, no sms. I'm beginning to recall why we broke up in the first instance. Is it just me or is it a really long time not to hear anything?
Just for background - I just thought I wouldn't email etc - to see how long it would take him. Just as long I wasn't holding my breath.
Anyway, it just doesn't seem normal. Certainly not as often as I'd like. And that's probably saying something... Hmmm
Oh yeah - speak freely - he never reads the blog anyway (that I could determine anyway) :)

Anyway... That's probably all from me for now...

7pm now. It's taken me a while to get back to this thing.

Some pics from where I work - canteen:

27 december, 2007
at home
stressed and worried

At least home life is back to normal. Essay writing is not exactly brilliant - my mentor is not exactly encouraging about the progress of essays. She is a bit like ' well i guess we can have a go and see what happens'. I am leaning more towards not doing anything if i don't have a real chance... This is ruining my holidays. I don't think buzz i having fun either...

Aearegh.

Back to it I suppose. Faarken.

25th December, Christmas Day 2007
Time: nearly midnight
Location: Home (Kensington)
Feeling: a bit flat, somewhat stressed, tired

Just (about 1 hour ago) came back from Buzz's parents Xmas lunch. It started at 3pm. It was a long lunch. Mostly because Buzz and his sister's boyfriend decided to go for a round of golf in the middle. Apparently it's "christmas tradition". I was confused and puzzled. Very. Especially after he just left me there for 1.5 hours. I was not impressed. Still so. We've had a bit of a tiff after I kept being narky (as he was showing no remorse)... *shrug*
Anyway. Not altogether perfect Christmas. Not that it could be with freakin' essays hanging over my head. I have about 11 essays to write I think. Although when you add all the ones that are hidden within application forms, the number would be well into 20s. Also stressing about references... Not sure what is going on with those....
I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know if I can do another year at work if the bus school thing doesn't work out. A bit of a tough gig for another year if you have kind of been planning to be finishing in Aug etc... Maybe I'll see if I can get a job in London or something...

22 December 2007
Saturday night - 8pm
Location: Home (Kensington)
Feeling: stressed. I can't remember why I didn't become a hairdresser...

it is a saturday night before xmas. what am i doing? I am writing freaking essays... For business schools. I can't work out if I'm in denial or not about actually getting in. It seems highly remote and unlikely. Should I really be spending my xmas break stressing over this?? I don't know... Farken.
Why am I not a hairdresser again?

12pm, Friday afternoon, 7 Dec 2007
Location: office, Melbourne
Feeling: peeved and tired


3pm
..... and no time to actually write .... faaaark